Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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