Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
