I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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