I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
