literally had 100 drinks last night.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Im part way to drunk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
