Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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