im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize