you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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