I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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