i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
