Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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