his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
