I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
