Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
