I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
do nipples grow back?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
