I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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