gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
