Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
