just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
