So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
