yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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