Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
