I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Randomize
