I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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