I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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