Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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