i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he fucked my hip out of place.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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