apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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