why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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