I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
