I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
