i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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