Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
