forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
