Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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