Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
