btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
