somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
