I am puke
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
