Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
