My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you win again, gameday.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
