this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
