There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
