A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i think my cat just said my name.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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