my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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