um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
