Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
