fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
