Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
