The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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