nut hugger
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's never too late to be topless.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
