His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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