I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
