There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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