at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
