My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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